Mother's Day

In all my years blogging I never really get that personal... but this mother's day I thought I'd share something with you.

I always have great difficulty picking out a Mother's Day card, because none of them ever apply to the relationship I have with my own. "Thanks for being so wonderful." "Thanks for always being there." "Thanks for not being a judgmental bitch."  Well.. you get the idea. I don't speak to my mother anymore. My choice. Tried my best to make our relationship work but found it to be impossible. I am still cordial to her when I see her, but I don't go out of my way to make that happen. Nevertheless, it is Mother's Day so I did get a card and a gift.

I wanted to make my own card. Something along the lines of "Hey, remember when I was 7 and you thought it would be so funny to pretend you had murdered my older brother? Remember how funny my younger brother and I thought that was when we found him laying on the kitchen floor covered in "blood" with you cackling like a mad woman? No, we weren't terrified at all you crazy bitch. Great Parenting! Thanks for not being a raving psycho!" However, I refrained. Instead I picked the least personal card I could find, and mailed it to her.. despite the fact that she lives less than a half a mile from me. I also called her this morning. She screens her calls though so I made a point to call from a number she would not recognize so I could just tell her voicemail Happy Mother's Day instead. Then I called my Step-Mom to wish her a Happy One and chatted warmly with her about everything under the sun for an hour.

Seriously though.. how in the hell could anyone think it would be funny to prank a small child with something so terrifying? I was old enough to understand death, but not yet clever enough to tell the difference between ketchup and blood. Specially with a large butcher knife covered in it, and my brother as well.  I, however.. was old enough for my survival instinct to kick in and grabbed my younger brother and ran like hell. No, not traumatizing at all. It was my older brother that ran after us yelling.. "Sissy, we were just playing. She said it would be funny!", while she was still laughing her ass off. Yes... yes.. so fucking funny I had forgotten to laugh.

Happy Mother's Day...